Distant Rumblings

clouds are rumbling

at the corners of my eyes
rims brim
nebulous stirrings
at the bottom of my glass
pain crystals surface
again
how could you just
walk away
with the best years
of my life
so naturally
so righteously
how could you
leave me
with just a wall
to lean on
breeze billows my veil
not your fingers
but wind blown tresses
caress my face
the vacancy of night
is the silhouette
of my soul
in the numerousness
of the stars
i count my wounds
the twinkle, the jarring
the piercing
all compounded
only one truth prevails,
pervades,
you have gone

life's afternoon

 

I had

kept the doors shut .

I had

mummified my Self.

I had with rigorous discipline

turned  robotic.

I had

with meticulous care,

become an inanimate object.

Why?

Why did you come along?

Memories were locked

behind decades of  last rites.

And feelings?

Feelings were buried

under layers of  life.

I didn’t know

the woman was still alive.

How could she?

She had died

so many times.

But alas!

What quirk of Fate,

brought you ?

In the afternoon of my life.

Will you be the sanjivini

 for a dead girl ?

Or yet again,

another undertaker.

naked shame

behind this general calm

there are storms raging

belief gets uprooted

trust demolished

ambitions falter

and foundations weaken

it takes a heavy toll

in its wake

it leaves behind disaster

misery is the password

stability

is at stake

and sanity performs

a balancing act

what it leaves behind

is to be seen

to be believed

stumps remain

distortions glare

my failed life

is a naked shame

all let downs

an inevitable revelation

fuel

some things

i have lost of late

i mean things are

no more the same

pain has lost its sharpness

its just a dull ache now

creativity is dead

and sensitivity

has lost its edge

those things

which hurt then

were my fuel

now i realize

they kept the fire alive

emotion was strong

and defiance high

rebellion at its peak

individuality

the only concern

those beautiful days

of hopelessness

that ravaged soul

of battered times

those days of

my early wisdom

the profundity

of my pained joy

Walk Away Free

kill your soul
and live on
the currency
for buying peace
no questions
no hopes
no aberrations
live on
fulfill obligations
do your duty
duty
the primordial millstone
we all carry
mostly willingly
sometimes grugdingly
for we have promised
to tag along
to break not the shell
to feel not the air
do all that we hate
and carry on
pull the shutters down
let the brain freeze
let the heart die
to hurt all the time
but not dare
to live
and walk away free

diluted

 

a tear rolls

it falls  into  the nib

the nib of my pen

as my head rests

on my hand

it falls into the nib

and pain gets diluted

words come out weak

emotion colourless

sorrow has no language

these lines can i give them

some form

can i put all that i feel

for you to know

can i paint them

with agony, and

drench them with tears

no

it will never carry

all that i did

never spill over

the dam that withheld

the burden that is

of untold truths

and half lies

it will be a sordid story

a broken nib in hand

a stolen life behind

one day i will

quietly fade away

a sad demise

a poem stuck in the throat

illegitimate reality

the greyness

of my sky

i shall rip open

i shall reach out

with bare hands

to tear apart

the opaqueness of vision

what horizons

i shall discover

towards

such myriad feelings

i will dare venture

with the

illegitmacy

of my being

i will know the

spacelessness of space

in the morbidity

of my skies

colours of imagination

i shall inject

in the stillness

of my silences

the spirit will dance

the dance

of  clamour

what worlds of

thought

shall be woven

with threads

from my hope

and in the illusiveness

of my reality

i will give you

now an idea

now a form