Haze of Proximity

it is raining

my world
is an indigo blue
i think
again and again
of you       
in going away
you are
closer to me
you transcend distances
and rise boundless
you defy
all definitions
and make our relationship
limitless
that which
you could not be
in one place
you have by retreating
into oblivion
today you appear
larger, nearer, dearer
without
the haze of proximity
your person seems
sharper, neater, more erect
you pervade  life
and sink into me
your personality soars
in going away
you’ve found yourself
i am glad
i could give you back
to yourself

unreal

the skies are downcast

and expressions overcast
outlines recede
landscapes blur
the rains move across
horizon to horizon
cleansing space
in gigantic sweeps
foliage drips
with uncanny grace
the breeze sways
at a haunting pace
this world is unreal
dream like
in its face
you have been gone
for days
knowing no end
and i have waited
with a patience
uncanny to my race
it is tiresome my love
to be reasonable always
i can be trying too
it is time you knew
how this
rain like gloom
pervades all life
and leaves me cold

 

still a chance

cobwebs hang

on my brain
dust has settled
into my lungs
the blood is
drying
it s not anemia
the system is tired
it’s not old age
youth
lies buried somewhere
the spirit shies
it’s not weakness
i am alive
but
death has come
many times
occasionally
the mind raises
some dust
maybe there’s hope
maybe
there’s still a chance

 

ashes

in every dawn

there lingers the ash

of the dusk gone

in every tommorrow

is the stink of

a wasted yesterday

today lies

in the middle of nowhere

hopelessness

yet hope lurks around

I’ve stamped on it

many a time

it neither dies

nor rises in flame

a spark smoulders

and singes the being

 

 

disintegration

hold me

for there i go

the disintegration

of my person
has begun
the ingredients
of my elements
are falling apart
in the disorder
of things
you have
lit the death fire
razing me
to the ground
to the level
of all others
the system which
i so proudly held
you have succeeded
in making it unrecognizable
hold me for
there i go
i cannot bear
to see it so
the being
that was one whole
is gone
that thing called me
is no more

 

walk away free

kill your soul

and live on
the currency
for buying peace
no questions
no hopes
no aberrations
live on
fulfill obligations
do your duty
duty
the primordial millstone
the millstone
we all carry
often willingly
sometimes grudgingly
for we have
promised to tag along
to break not the shell
to feel not the air
do all that we hate
and carry on
pull the shutters down
let the brain freeze
let the heart die
to hurt all the time
but not dare
to live and
walk away free

morning dew

 

the torture of my eyes

is the pain

of my soul
the dark circles
their guardian
they look on
my eyes
silently
awaiting the outcome
when
will the sun rise
when
will dawn break
the soul is restless
for the  brightness
of day
time is a dark cage
but
i will live through
i will survive
it all
it cannot go on
being night
all pain must ease
one day
when light will make
its graceful advent
the cool breeze shall
raise spirits sky high
and my soul will
bathe in morning dew

gnawing hunger

it rises to a crescendo
and then
gradually dies down
after all, how long
will hunger gnaw
how long your
stomach growl
it has its limits
if it does not get
what it wants
it will quiet down
soon your exhaustion
will overpower you
and your tears
put you to sleep
as you huddle
your knees to your
caving belly
your raving mind
will travel
in your dreams
it will go back
to caring hands
it will dwell
in imagination
it will revel in peace

Shutters Down

when did the sun rise

when did it go down
between sunrises
and sunsets
where was time
where was life
where was i
if i am here now
i must have been
then too, but
mountains of paper
miles of commutation
kept the shutters down
no light came in
the decay went on
in the geometry
of ambition
and progression
maybe i came through
but what use was it
if i didn’t know
when the sun shone
and
when it went down

Lost Cause

suspended in
time and space
i swing like a
pendulum
like a baseless jelly
like a disappearing
mist
i do not know
my own relevance
i do not understand
what gap i fill
what role i play
what need i fulfil
i perform
i move
between extensions
and projections
i commute into the past
and delve into the future
yet
like a lost cause
i cannot come to grips
with this awesome
mystery
this gigantic immensity
i lose myself
in the backwaters
of life
and drown in the
quicksand of time

time

i was looking
out of the window
and i saw time
walk past
was it a stroll
or a gallop
i am afraid
i don’t remember
i have been
absent minded of late
guess its all
this loneliness
what does it matter
anyway
if it was
a gallop or a stroll
all that is important 
is that it has gone
time the elusive evader
it has gone or almost so
imagine
it walked past so close
and went unnoticed
unrealized
now don’t make excuses
of its hushed  footsteps
you were aware
what if only vaguely
you could
have woken up
made a start
now don’t hasten
don’t scramble
it’s a lost race
you’ll only break
your neck

night in your eyes

there is evening on

your face

it is the sunset

the hope of your eye

is the distortion

of a ray

there is night

in your eyes

it is the black of your

scare

your departure

is not a let down

of today

it was inevitable

even yesterday

blizzards

of passion raged

across

visibility was nil

there wasn’t much

the other side

only a bit of deceit

and a euphoria

within

there was a rose

in the heart

and speed in the veins

what the human heart

did not feel

the eye never saw

a thorn in my flesh

the knife in your reach

Distant Rumblings

clouds are rumbling

at the corners of my eyes
rims brim
nebulous stirrings
at the bottom of my glass
pain crystals surface
again
how could you just
walk away
with the best years
of my life
so naturally
so righteously
how could you
leave me
with just a wall
to lean on
breeze billows my veil
not your fingers
but wind blown tresses
caress my face
the vacancy of night
is the silhouette
of my soul
in the numerousness
of the stars
i count my wounds
the twinkle, the jarring
the piercing
all compounded
only one truth prevails,
pervades,
you have gone

life's afternoon

 

I had

kept the doors shut .

I had

mummified my Self.

I had with rigorous discipline

turned  robotic.

I had

with meticulous care,

become an inanimate object.

Why?

Why did you come along?

Memories were locked

behind decades of  last rites.

And feelings?

Feelings were buried

under layers of  life.

I didn’t know

the woman was still alive.

How could she?

She had died

so many times.

But alas!

What quirk of Fate,

brought you ?

In the afternoon of my life.

Will you be the sanjivini

 for a dead girl ?

Or yet again,

another undertaker.

naked shame

behind this general calm

there are storms raging

belief gets uprooted

trust demolished

ambitions falter

and foundations weaken

it takes a heavy toll

in its wake

it leaves behind disaster

misery is the password

stability

is at stake

and sanity performs

a balancing act

what it leaves behind

is to be seen

to be believed

stumps remain

distortions glare

my failed life

is a naked shame

all let downs

an inevitable revelation